高考剛結束。每年的這幾天，都有人快樂，有人悲傷。高考會極大影響你的人生。多10分、少10分，你會進入完全不一樣的學校，遇到完全不一樣的人。

18歲以前的成長都是線性的，但馬上就不一樣了，你會發現一些同伴開始了讓人難以理解的指數般的成長，差距越拉越大。

但高考不會決定你的人生，更不會決定你變成什麽樣的人。實現人生的「指數型成長」，選擇其實仍然在你的手裡。

你的十幾、二十幾歲的時光是極簡單卻極具變化的時期之一。這段時光決定了你的事業、愛情、幸福甚至整個世界。

臨床心理學家Meg Jay在TED上超過940萬次點擊量的演講《Why 30 is not the new 20》，告訴你該從最年輕的時候，開始積累你的“身份資本”。這樣才能讓你後續的人生實現「指數型成長」。

下面是我的故事。

在我十幾二十歲的時候，我花時間和朋友們一起出去玩，和我女友談情說愛，抽煙，大致算是個混混青年。

十年後，我發現了一個秘密。有了它，我一年裡學到和得到的東西，比在之前十年裡更多。

它就是形成好習慣的力量。

習慣的力量有多大？下面這張圖呈現得最為淋漓盡致：1967年，瑞典將靠左行改成靠右行時，第二天街上的情景是這樣的：

對習慣的培養，初期會很艱難，但是當你掌握了它並使它真正成為習慣，那麽它會很容易做到，即使你沒有意識到。

想要養成一個習慣，每個人至少要以同樣的方式重複同一件事21天。有些會需要更長的時間，有些會短些。平均而言，每個習慣的養成，需要大概三十天時間。

這裡是適合所有年輕人的5個最佳習慣，以及如何做到他們。

1

保持頭腦健康

Take Care of Your Mind

我們生活在腦力勞動的時代，坐在辦公桌前，面對電腦，用我們的聰明才智服務大眾。每天，你的大腦控制著你的想法，而你的想法影響著身邊的一切。

如何讓頭腦保持清醒和健康呢？

大腦也像人體的肌肉一樣，你用得越多，它就越是健康。當你不用腦思考了，它會退化的。

每天讀點書

不讀書的人和不識字的人其實沒什麽分別。每天早晚花三十分鐘讀書吧。

讀那些能使人進步的書。記住：是去讀書，而不是去看部落格。

真正的書籍都有一種固定的特質：它們包含了大量的思想和研究，是作者生活閱歷的精華。所以，每天都應當讀書。

每天寫點東西

寫作是記錄思想的唯一方式。如果你不把它們寫下來，它們就會從你的腦海裡溜走。

每天記錄，還會幫你整理紛亂的思緒，形成自己的一套完整的想法。

如果你喜歡誰，也可以把這些心情記錄下來。寫一寫你為什麽喜歡那個人，這種情感給你怎樣的感覺，還有，你會為了追求他去做些什麽。

將所有的事情都寫在紙上會幫助你弄明白自己對於愛情和生活，對與錯抱有怎樣的想法。

寫作水準越高，就能越善於思考。

其他一些提升大腦的方法

我們的大腦都是越用越活的，大腦越活躍，做事的速度也就越快。你可以通過學習新東西來活動大腦。越頻繁地嘗試新事物，大腦就越能得到鍛煉。

沉迷一些東西也沒什麽不好——做事的經歷，學習到的規則，實踐他們有助於開發你的大腦。

可以看一些聽一些有幫助的影片和音樂。別整天看電視了，看看公開課去。

也別去聽些讓人情緒太過高亢或低沉的音樂。多聽聽甜美溫柔的樂曲，比如莫扎特，貝多芬，巴赫。

遠離思想垃圾

就像你的身體需要好的食物，你的大腦也需要好的養料。

如果你在腦子裡堆滿了腦殘的電視劇，沒完沒了的報紙和電視新聞，你會變得悲觀和消沉。你會失去幹正事的欲望，因為你的腦子裡塞了太多消極的東西。

你會生活，而不是從沙發上看生活。

所以別太理會那些沒完沒了的花邊新聞，不管是報紙上的還是電視上的。少看腦殘劇和言情劇。這樣你的腦子就有地方去想想其他的事了，這會幫助你更好地用腦。

2

照顧好你的身體

Take Care Of Your Body

不論你做什麽，都離不開好身體。它獨一無二，無可替換。

你的身體可能不夠完美，但它是你所唯一擁有的。如果你悉心呵護，那麽當你60、70、甚至80歲的時候，你依然會受它眷顧。

照顧身體的方法很簡單：健康飲食和運動。

每天花半小時到一小時的時間鍛煉身體

這可不是要你去玩體操或者抽脂。活動活動身體上的每一塊肌肉就夠了。

有意識地花時間動動胳膊、後背和腿。做做健身操，活動你的肌肉。這是因為我們每天都坐在椅子上，很少來回走動。

生命在於運動。對提升身體素質而言，這是最重要的。

吃新鮮且健康的食物

吃好一點。想象一下，你的身體是一棟房子。

每天把好東西帶回房子中，這房子就會變得漂亮，你會很樂意住在裡面。可要是每天把破爛的東西帶進來，房子就會變得髒亂差，你也就不樂意住在裡面了。

所以要多吃營養的東西。盡可能多吃新鮮的水果和蔬菜，把它們加入到你的食譜中，這會為你提供每天必需的能量。

遠離垃圾食品

就像它的名字那樣，垃圾食品就只是垃圾而已。它無法提供你身體所需的營養。

常吃垃圾食品會讓你精力不濟，一段時間後，你的體重增加了，健康卻會受到損害。選擇那些不含防腐劑，過量的糖、鹽及碳酸的食物。

3

關注你的人際關係

Your Relationships

在生活中，你與極少數人一直在一起。你的父母。你的兄弟姐妹。你的祖父母，如果他們還活著。你的表兄弟，如果你同他們很親近。

除了這些，你生活中的其他人際關係，都需要你走出去，自己創造。你一路上結交朋友。

這些人生旅途中結識的朋友，會成為堅強的後盾。那些你們天天見到的人，從蔬果店老闆，到公司上司。

加強你的人際關係，方法如下：

記住別人的生日和紀念日

即使你的朋友告訴你，他們不慶祝生日。即使人們說，他們並不在乎這些，但每個人都關心自己的特殊日子。如果你還記得他們的生日和紀念日，他們會記住你的好意。

但僅僅這樣還遠遠不夠。記住那些特殊的時刻。如果他們有一個孩子，記住孩子的生日，打電話給他們，或者寫一張祝福的卡片。

得知有人關心你是件開心的事。不論對他人來說，還是對你來說。

當你需要他們的時候，當你愛的人離開你，你的朋友將成為支撐你的力量。

在他們請求原諒前原諒他們

在漫長的人生計劃中，小事並不重要。比如你的朋友忘了第一時間告訴你他們換了新工作…

做個紳士，在他們請求原諒前寬恕他們。然後讓事情隨風而去。他們會意識到你是一個心胸寬廣的人，並且也會這樣對待你。

原諒，會讓你輕鬆起來。無憂無慮會讓你光彩照人，每個人都會希望和你在一起。

開始打造你的社交人脈

改變自己的最快方式就是與你想成為的人為伍，也就是說你和什麽樣的人相處，就將決定你是否會成功。

你身邊的五個人決定了你。你要打造機會、尋找機會、抓住機會，其實最關鍵的就是要抓住人。

開始在LinkedIn領英這樣的網站上打造自己的個人品牌吧，認識一個值得交流的人比什麽都重要。

躲開傳遞負面情緒的“吸血鬼”

不管你待人多好，總會遇到些吸血鬼般的人。他們耗費掉了你所有的精力和時間。

有時候你會在工作場所遇見他們。他們或許是你的發小，甚至可能是你的某個親戚。

不管你怎麽做，都無法改變他們，你不能提升他們，你也無法引導他們。因此，最好的的辦法就是遠離他們。

4

關注你的財務狀況

Take Care of Your Finances

不管你是怎麽長大的，富裕或者貧困，理財都是你的責任。

如果你從今天開始好好理財，它會在你需要時有所回報。當你老了，病了，送孩子去上學，或者幫助生病的父母。你的財務狀況會給你提供幫助。

但是，我們如何理財呢？

賺錢

在開始理財時，首先要確定：你的收入高於支出。

有一份收入會讓你的生活變得很容易，只要善加管理，它會幫你得到你想要的東西。如果你現在支出大於收入，那麽在接下來的一到兩年裡，你得努力讓收入超過支出。

花一刻鍾想想自己每個月把錢都花到什麽地方去了。包括房租（或者你跟父母住一起的支出），水電費，雜費，汽車，上網，保險，購物和娛樂的花費，以及其他支出。

有了正現金流之後，你該做什麽呢？

自己投資

你賺得每一分錢，都會被別人又賺走。

政府要你交稅，銀行要你抵押付款，保險，汽車貸款......等等。直到你的账戶裡什麽也剩不下。

在這種情況發生前，先投資你自己。

加入退休金計劃，他們會每月從你的工資中扣取5%-10%，並把它變成一個信託公積金。這是一筆為賺錢而累積的資產。就像把房子拿去出租一樣，可以用來買國債，買分紅基金，或者投資一個有利可圖的項目。

在理財時要警惕的事：

股票

很多人會勸你投資股票。但是我勸你別抱幻想。如果你真的很想在這方面進行投資，最好僅投資於標普指數基金。即使有些人告訴你，他們有一個特大的內部消息，能讓你成為百萬富翁什麽的……別相信他們。

投資股市的回報率其實不高。有時候你能賺很多，也有的時候，你會一直賠錢。如果你每年都能賺50％，你就是巴菲特了。

股票是那些在華爾街工作的人的賺錢工具。但他們有時也會失敗。在華爾街，你總是在和專業人士競爭。在運動中，你與自己水準差不多的人比賽，所以才能有贏有輸。而在華爾街，你會連內褲都輸掉的。

商機

如果有人告訴你，隻用很少的錢，就可以讓你在一個月裡賺到一百萬，或者類似聽上去就不靠譜的計劃。千萬別聽他們胡說。關門，關機，把他們踢出去。如果是你的朋友這樣說，那就以後離他遠點兒。

這並不意味著拒絕商機。如果你認為一個企業有前途，那就去投資。只要別掉進劣質商業計劃的陷阱裡。

買彩票

如果你聽說你剛剛中了一艘遊艇，或者正想買彩票碰運氣，或者成了X號幸運者。別信這些，能跑多快跑多快。

更好的選擇是為那些你想買的東西攢錢。等你有了足夠的錢，再去買你想要買的東西。

別把1美元不當回事

這些陷阱或許只是想從你身上多賺一美元。那也別輕易給它們。即使只有一美元，它也是你生活的一部分。你可能會認為一美元不是什麽大問題，但通過適當的投資，即使只有一美元，它也可能會成為一筆巨大的財富。

讀讀印第安人為一美元出售曼哈頓的故事吧，通過恰當的投資，那一美元變得多麽的值錢。提示：它的價值超過了曼哈頓所有的建築物，土地，和公司的總和。

為什麽說即使是1美元也很重要，以下是當年印第安人出售的曼哈頓（想象圖）與今日曼哈頓對比。

5

學會多多溝通

Communication

誤會會產生很多問題，而人與人之間經常發生誤會。

夫妻打架，是因為他們不明白對方為什麽這樣說；

交流障礙導致員工被解雇；

朋友因為彼此誤解而分手；

交流中的誤解會引起朋友，員工，董事會成員，甚至國家之間關係的重大問題。

如何提高溝通技巧？

學會和小學生溝通

是的，只要能和小學六年級的人溝通就夠了。如果你能跟一個十歲的孩子把事情解釋清楚，你和其他任何人的溝通也就沒有問題了。

你可能會認為，一個受過高等教育的人不吃這一套。但事實是，即使是最有教養的人，溝通能力也就在這個水準。

這個層面溝通，你會得到更好的理解。你的孩子會理解你，你的父母會聽你的話，你的雇主會了解你的想法。

你身邊的每一個人都會認為你是聰明人——因為你能把複雜的東西用簡單的方式解釋清楚。

不論做什麽職業，學學行話

學習行話，你會更快地融入一個行業，因為它能幫你理解別人都在說什麽，從而給出準確的反饋。

每一個行業，體育，網上論壇，集團，都有不同的詞匯。學得越快，提升得也就越快。

如果你打網球，學學專業詞匯的說法。了解它們的含義，然後當你跟你的朋友聊起網球時，運用這些詞匯會幫你提升競技水準。

這同樣適用於你的專業領域。越早了解行話，進步得越快。這不是一種技術，你要用它來提高你的整體的詞匯水準。

6

實現你的指數型成長

Exponential growth

運用這些習慣會深刻地提升你的生活。在你十幾二十歲時，你可能感受不到它們。但當你花費更多時間在這裡時，你的點滴進步會彼此融合，最後呈幾何爆炸式增長。

我知道，即使在27歲時才開始把這些秘密應用於我的生活，到了33歲時，我的成就依然超乎想象。你可以先學著如何做，然後花一個月學習如何把它做得更好，花一個月的時間，每天練習。

記得自己永遠握有選擇權。永遠記得，你是自由的。在對的時間，做對的事情，實現你的指數型成長。▲

演講稿

Meg?Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20

When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex. Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.

But I didn't handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road. "Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.

But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back.

I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."

And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."

That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20. Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime. That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.

There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. We're talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.

Raise your hand if you're in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see — Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.

So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings deserves to know what psychologists, sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists already know: that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest, yet most transformative, things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness, maybe even for the world.

This is not my opinion. These are the facts. We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35. That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions and experiences and "Aha!" moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid-30s. People who are over 40, don't panic. This crowd is going to be fine, I think. We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn. We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30. We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood, which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it. We know that personality changes more during your 20s than at any other time in life, and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35. So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.

So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain. It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become. But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.

But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing. Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood. Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence. Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings like "twixters" and "kidults." It's true. As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.

Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. Isn't that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.

And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time." Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."

But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college."

And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."

Where are the twentysomethings here? Do not do that.

Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high. When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.

The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. It's realizing you can't have that career you now want. It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing? What was I thinking?"

I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.

Here's a story about how that can go. It's a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."

Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call ... ." She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"

Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will." But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.

So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.

First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That's procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.

Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle.New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed.But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.

Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress.The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.

So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. She's married to a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."

Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings. They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji. Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.

So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now. Thank you. (Applause)

在這個點擊過百萬的TED演講中，Meg Jay說不能因為婚姻、工作和子女是以後的事情，現在就可以無規劃的生活。二十世代是個關鍵期，我們所做之事－及未做之事－對未來人生、甚至後代都將產生巨大影響。

別被你不知道的或者沒做過的事情限制，生活的決定權在你。青春，把握好，才會有意義。幹了這碗雞湯！