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薩古魯談為什麼愛情和婚姻似乎會造成人與人之間最大衝突的問題

Sadhguru answers a question about why love and marriage seem to create the maximum conflict between people.

薩古魯回答了關於為什麼愛情和婚姻似乎會造成人與人之間最大衝突的問題。

Q: Why is it that love and marriage often create the maximum conflict between people?

問:為什麼愛情和婚姻經常給人們帶來很大衝突?

Sadhguru: 「Man」 and 「woman」 are physically, kind of opposite. Nature has made us this way so that the process of reproduction happens and the next generation becomes a possibility. If that was not necessary – if storks were dropping babies from the skies – we would not need a man and a woman to work for the future generations to come. And if there wasn』t a deep sense of compulsion about the reproductive process, people would not go for it. Every cell in your body, including your brain cells, are taken over by hormones and compel and propel you in that direction. It takes enormous intelligence for a person to rise beyond that. Otherwise it looks like this is life – it makes you feel like that. Till you were 10 or 11 years old, you did not even think about it. Whatever the other people were doing looked funny. But suddenly, this new chemical took over the body and now it is all an absolute reality.

Sadhguru:「男人」和「女人」在身體上是不一樣的。大自然這樣創造,以便為了生殖過程的發生,讓下一代出生成為可能。如果這不是必要的話,如果鸛鳥(一種大型水鳥的通稱)可以從天上送來嬰兒寶寶,我們就不需要男人和女人來繁衍後代了。如果對生殖過程沒有一種強烈的衝動,人們就不會為此而努力。身體中的每一個細胞,包括你的腦細胞,都被荷爾蒙控制,迫使你朝那個方向前進。一個人需要極大的智慧來超越這一點。否則荷爾蒙會使你感覺,這就是生活。在你10歲或11歲之前,你甚至沒有想過這個問題。其他人這麼做看起來都很滑稽。但是突然間,這種新的化學物質控制了身體,它完全成了絕對的現實。

You have been drugged and chemically sabotaged by nature to fulfill its own purpose of reproduction, continuation, and perpetuation of the species. Once this happened,now somehow,man and woman are compelled to come together. Or in other words, once this compulsion comes, naturally the mind begins to work in that way as to how to get the best out of it.

自然以化學作用麻醉了你,其目的是為了實現自身繁殖、完成物種延續。一旦麻醉見效,莫名其妙地,男人和女人不得不走到一起。換言之,一旦這種衝動到來,自然地,頭腦就開始以這樣的方式工作,以便實現最大的成效。


The Give & Take Calculation

付出和得到的算計

Fundamentally,a relationship is unfortunately happening with an intention to somehow make use of each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. When you are giving and taking on a daily basis, always one person will feel, 「I am giving more, the other person is giving less.」

從根本上說,不幸的是,一段關係的發生是以某種程度互相利用為目的的。這是一種交換關係。當你們每天交換往來的時候,總有一個人會覺得,「我付出得更多,另一個人付出得更少。」


Only in those moments of love, can a man and woman really be together. Once that is not there, it is very difficult.

只有在那些相愛的時刻,男人和女人才是真正在一起。一旦愛不存在,關係就變得非常困難。

Societies have always taught you that to be smart is to give less and take more. Whether it is a marketplace or a marriage, it is the same calculation. This is why there is so much talk about love, so that you transcend this calculation. When you are emotionally overwhelmed by someone, you transcend the calculation. It becomes, 「What I take is not important, what I give is important.」 The relationship runs beautifully when it is at that level of emotional intensity. Once that emotional intensity drops, it just becomes give-and-take.

社會一直都在教導我們,聰明,就是少付出,多索取。無論是市場還是婚姻,都是同樣的計算方式。這就是為什麼有很如此多的關於愛的討論,以至於你超越了這種算計。當你在情感上被某人征服時,你就超越了算計。它會變成:「我得到什麼不重要,我付出給予什麼才重要。」當感情達到那種強度的時候,你們的關係會很好。一旦這種情感強度下降,它就變成了交換。

You do give-and-take in your business, with your neighbor, with so many people, but those transactions are limited – but the give-and-take in a marriage is constant, and you are caged with this particular person constantly. So, naturally you feel that in some way, you are being used by someone else. Once this comes in, there is conflict, conflict, conflict.

你和鄰居,還有很多人做交換,做交易,但是這些交易是有限的。婚姻中的付出和回報關係是長久持續的。你總是不斷地被這個特定的人關在牢籠裡,所以,你自然會覺得在某種程度上,你被別人利用了。一旦出現這種情況,就會不斷出現衝突、衝突、衝突。

Only in those moments of love, can a man and woman really be together. Once that is not there,it is very difficult. The physicality and emotionality of it and other aspects of sharing and living become a struggle. Especially because the physical body is involved, one can very easily feel that they are being used by someone.

只有在愛的時刻,男人和女人才能真正在一起。一旦愛不存在,關係就變得非常困難。在肉體和情感生活共享方面變成了爭鬥。特別是因為牽涉到身體層面,人們會很容易覺得在被某人利用。

If it was just money, if it was just a house, there is some settlement, 「Okay, you use that part of the house, I will use this part of the house.」 「You cook, I will earn.」 But because the body is involved, very easily one will feel used, so there is conflict.

如果只是錢,如果只是一棟房子,就會有一些解決辦法,「好的,你用房子的這個區域,我就用房子的這個區域。」「你做飯,我就賺錢。」但是因為身體有牽連,很容易讓人感到被利用,所以就會有衝突。


The Solution

解決方法

Q: So what is the solution?

問題: 解決方法是什麼?

Sadhguru:You should stop being a man or woman all the time.You don』t have to carry your manhood or womanhood 24 hours of the day. There are certain situations in certain aspects of life where you need to be a man or a woman. The rest of the time, you do not have to be either. But societies have trained you to be like this all the time. From the very clothes that you wear and the way you do everything – you have been trained in a certain way, to serve a certain purpose.

薩古魯: 你應該停止一直做所謂的男人或女人。你不必一天24小時都帶著你的男子氣概或女子氣概。在生活的某些方面,你需要成為一個男人或女人。剩下的時間裡,不必如此。但是社會一直在訓練你成為這樣的男人或女人。從你穿的衣服和你做任何事情的方式,你已經接受了某種訓練,以達到某種目的。

Once you become like this —24 hours man or 24 hours woman – you are troubled. But if you know how to simply be a piece of life, you will be fine; and when there is a requirement that you have to be a man or woman, you can play your role pretty well. So please save it. Don』t just go on spreading it around in the street. Just walk and live as a piece of life. If you are like this, there will be no conflict. It will be just fine. Two human beings can live together.

一旦你變成這樣——24個小時是男人或24個小時是女人——你就麻煩了。但是,如果你知道如何成為生活的一部分,你將會很好;當要求你必須是男人或女人時,你可以很好地扮演你的角色。所以請保持這個理念。不要隻跑到街頭到處傳播宣傳。只是作為生活的一部分去踐行。如果你這麼去做,就不會有衝突。一切都會好起來的。兩個人可以生活在一起。


You should stop being a man or woman all the time. You don』t have to carry your manhood or womanhood 24 hours of the day.

你應該停止一直做男人或女人。你不必一天24小時都帶著你的男子氣概或女子氣概。

「Man and woman」 are two compulsions. Two compulsions can never live together. The more identified you are with your sexuality, the more compulsive you will become. When you are compulsive, naturally you will step over many people. Once you start stepping on each other, there will be trouble. If you do not identify yourself too much with your womanhood or manhood and if you just walk as a piece of life, you will see that it is such a minor part of your life. You do not have to structure your life around it. So much of your potential would find expression if you just do not get too identified with your sexuality. People would become so much more creative and so much more capable of various things that they have not imagined.

「男人和女人」是兩股衝動。兩種衝動不能共存。你對自己的性取向越認同,你就會變得越強迫。當你有強迫症的時候,很自然你會踩到很多人。一旦你們開始互相踩,就會有麻煩。如果你不過於認同自己的女性身份或男性身份,如果你只是把它當作生活一部分順其自然,你會發現它只是你生活的一小部分。你不必圍繞它來構建你的生活。如果你不過於認同自己的性取向,那麼你的很多潛力就會得到表達。人們會變得更有創造力,更有能力去做他們想像不到的事情。

Love&Grace

Sadhguru

愛與恩典
薩古魯


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