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關於自我提升的4個誤解,你中招了嗎?

關於如何自我提升的建議無處不在。美國在售圖書中有2.5%左右的書涉及到這類話題,加上演講、培訓、電視節目、網絡產品、教練、瑜伽等等,諸如此類, 自我提升是一個每年100億美元的產業。當然這只是在美國。

然而, 研究表明,很多備受好評的建議可能會誤導人, 甚至本身就是錯誤的。儘管研究和實踐表明它們充其量只是半真半假, 但關於績效表現的一些誤解依然存在。這或許可以解釋為什麽最有可能購買自我提升書籍的人在過去18個月內又購買了一本。第一本充滿誤解的書沒有用, 所以他們又買了一本, 也許不久後又買了一本。

《管理雜誌》最近的一篇報告指出,在近25000篇關於績效的學術文章中, 只有一小部分包含了心理學家所稱的“人與人之間的差異”,它描述了一個動態範圍,諸如個人最好、平均和最差表現之間的差異。建議往往錯誤地假定:通過使用相同的標準,人與人之間的績效表現可以相互比較。這太荒謬了。

我們對數以百計的追求業績者的觀察在很大程度上證實了這份報告, 並且已經總結出一系列的誤解, 這些誤解事實上阻礙了人們試圖做出改進。這些斷言根植於一系列不同的領域, 包括心理學、體育、藝術和領導力。我們希望通過瓦解這些誤解, 解釋現實,並提供一些合理的建議, 幫助人們實現更有效的自我發展。

誤解一:優異的表現意味著持續表現優異。

現實:頂級表演者的表現變化無常。著名吉他手曾說過, 他在整個職業生涯中都受到了怯場的折磨。他解釋說, 這種感覺不是"我夠好嗎?" ,而是"我今晚會不會足夠好?" 能否表現出色,深深地困擾著他。

建議:預測變化性。根本就沒有線性、始終如一的改進之路這回事。起伏是常有的。如果總體趨勢向上, 那麽一切正常。意識到並對此有充分的認識,你就會變得更有耐心, 更不容易灰心喪氣。

誤解二:參照別人會讓我們變得更好。

現實:改進包括重複行動和環境,從而導致我們最好的表現。隨著時間的推移,這些行動和環境就會根深蒂固。它不是模仿來的。但研究表明,事實上,我們總是將自己與他人進行比較,並且會帶來消極的後果。在某些情況下,我們以那些更有能力或更有成就的人為基準,當我們無法與他們相匹配時,這種做法可能會適得其反。在其他情況下, 我們常常潛意識地努力維護我們的自尊心,我們比照的對象是那些不太成功的人——這是一種"向下的比較", 對個人發展來說,顯然是一場惡夢。

建議:一個更好的方法是通過回顧錯誤和總結經驗來尋求真正的改進機會。專注於變得比昨天更好,實現自己的潛能和抱負,而不是別人的。這將給你一個更強烈的感覺,你想去哪裡,更重要的是,為什麽。

誤解三:成功人士隻運用"刻意練習"這一種成功策略。

現實:雖然大聯盟棒球投手迪基在2012年贏得了賽揚(Cy Young)獎, 部分原因在於他精通指節球——這是一個難以領會的棒球投法, 如果投的好,擊球手幾乎毫無勝算——他也練習並完善了更加傳統的技術。特別是在職業巔峰時, 他認為指節球只是多種投法當中的一個選項。他不僅僅依靠那個特殊的武器, 而是通過多變的投法、速度和旋轉來甩開對方的擊球手。

建議:對於你或者其他任何人來說, 進步的方法並非只有一種。單一的大策略很少奏效, 因為無法用來應對隨時冒出的緊急情況。適應性和計劃具有同等重要性。只要經過縝密思考, 即便與眾不同,也要勇於實踐。這也會增強你在自主選擇的道路上的主人翁意識。

誤解四:進步源於堅定不移地專注於最具挑戰性的目標。

現實:有證據表明, 設定目標和追求目標實際上可能會阻礙進步。在一項研究中, 芝加哥大學的教授要求參與者用簡單的方法來提高自己: 去健身房或者用牙線剔牙。研究人員發現, 雖然目標設定增加了受試者對某事的思考量, 但實際上卻減少了他們花在做這件事情上的時間。

建議:在目標規劃和實踐之間創造一些間隔。首先, 想想你的最終目標, 比如"我想提高我的高爾夫揮杆水準", 或者"我想把我今年的銷售額增加20% 。" 然而, 一旦你開始執行, 請關注活動本身的回報和樂趣, 而不要強調結果。例如, 提醒自己你有多喜歡打高爾夫球或者與顧客交談帶來的樂趣, 而不去想那個具有挑戰性的目標(並給自己施壓)。

最後, 進步來源於對我們所面臨的獨特挑戰和所擁有能力的自知, 而並非源於遵循流行文化的模式。它是對低谷和高峰的理解, 是我們對自己的比較, 是適應形勢, 是注重細節而又保持格局。這不僅僅是針對自我提升的建議, 它還是一種領導他人的方式。畢竟, 在你領導另一個人之前, 你必須能夠領導自己。

英文原文

Advice on how to improve one’s self is everywhere. It accounts for about 2.5% of all book sales in the United States. Add in speeches, training programs, TV programs, online-products, coaches, yoga, and the like, self-help is a $10 billion industry per year, and that’s just in the U.S.

However, research shows that much of the advice extolled may be misleading or even wrong. Several myths about performance persist, despite research and practices that show they are half-truths at best. That might explain why the most likely purchasers of self-improvement books have bought another within the previous 18 months. The first myth-riddled book didn’t work, so they bought another, and maybe another soon after.

A recent report in the Journal of Management noted that of nearly 25,000 academic articles on performance, only a fraction include what psychologists call within person variance, which describes ranges, such as that between individuals’ top, average and worst performances. Advice too often mistakenly assumes performance can be compared across people, using the same gauge. That’s absurd.

Our observation of hundreds of performance seekers largely confirms the report and has led to delineating a series of myths that hold people back when trying to improve. These assertions are based on a diverse set of fields, including psychology, sports, arts, and leadership. We hope that by dispelling these myths, explaining the reality and offering some sound advice instead, we can help move people toward more effective personal development.

Myth 1:Performing at the top means consistent peak performance.

Reality:Top performers experience variability in their performance. Famed musician Gregg

Allman has said that he suffered from stage fright throughout his career. The feeling, he explained, was not “Am I any good?” Rather, it was “Am I gonna be good tonight?” Whether he was going to deliver his best, or less, haunted him.

Advice:Expect variability. There’s just no such thing as linear, unwavering, improvement paths. There will be ups and downs. If the path is generally up, all’s good. To the extent you know and appreciate that, you’ll be more patient and less likely to be discouraged.

Myth 2:We get better by benchmarking ourselves against others.

Reality:Improvement involves repeating the actions and circumstances that lead to our best performances so that over time they become ingrained. It doesn’t come from mimicry. But research shows that we do, indeed, compare ourselves to others all the time, with negative consequences. In some cases, we benchmark against those who are more capable or accomplished, which can be counterproductive when we fail to match them. In other cases, often in a subconscious effort to preserve our self-esteem, we rate ourselves against people who are less successful — a “downward comparison” that is obviously anathema to personal development.

Advice:A better approach is to pursue real opportunities for improvement by reviewing mistakes and taking stock of how experiences can lead to improvement. Focus on getting better than you were yesterday and living up to your own potential and aspirations, not somebody else’s. This will give you a keener sense of where you want to go, and, more importantly, why.

Myth 3:Successful people engage in “singular deliberate practice” of one winning strategy.

Reality:Although Major League baseball pitcher R.A. Dickey won the Cy Young award in 2012 in part because of his mastery of the knuckle ball — a pitch that’s difficult to learn but almost unhittable when executed well — he also practiced, and perfected, more traditional techniques. Especially when performing at his height, he thought of the knuckle ball as just one approach among many. He won by relying not just on that special weapon but on a variety pitches, speeds, and spins, to throw off the opposing batter.

Advice:There is no one way for you, or anybody else, to improve. Singular grand strategies seldom work because they don’t account for exigencies that emerge along the way.

Adaptability is as important as plan. Don’t hesitate to call an audible — as long as it’s a thoughtful one. That will also increase your sense of ownership in the path willfully chosen.

Myth 4:Improvement stems from unwavering focus on your most challenging goals.

Reality:Evidence suggests that setting goals and pursuing them may actually inhibit improvement. In one study, professors at the University of Chicago asked participants to improve themselves in simple ways: hitting the gym or flossing teeth. The researchers found that while goal-setting increased the amount of thinking those subjects put into something, it actually decreased the amount of time they spent doing it.

Advice:Create some separation between goal planning and doing. First, think about your end game, such as “I want to improve my golf swing,” or “I want to increase the number of sales I make this year by 20%.” Once you’ve begun to execute, however, focus on what’s rewarding and fun about the activity itself, but de-emphasize the outcome. For example, remind yourself how much you like to play golf or talking to customers, without thinking about (and pressuring yourself) with that challenging target.

In the end, improvement comes from knowing our own unique challenges and abilities, not from following pop-culture formulas. It’s about understanding valleys and peaks, comparing ourselves to ourselves, adapting along the way, and staying small while staying big. This is not just advice for your own improvement; it’s a way to lead others. After all, you have to be able to lead yourself before you lead another.

克里斯托弗·卡雅斯、詹姆士·貝利|文

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